


Tango-Alfa-Papa-Echo-Sierra.

by Azzy_Darling



Category: Mass Effect
Genre: Angst, M/M, Post Game
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2012-03-21
Updated: 2012-03-25
Packaged: 2017-11-02 08:12:24
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 5,775
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/366876
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Azzy_Darling/pseuds/Azzy_Darling
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>John Shepard wants to show trust talking about what he finds the hardest to talk about. His past.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> This is earthborn, sole survivor! I wrote the flashfic while I had to take a break from this to find out how graphic I wanted it to be. I toned it way down actually, but that just flowed best. For now I planned two chapters, but I can't really say if another sneaks up on me.

_Angel, angel what have I done  
I face the quakes, the wind, the fire  
I've conquered country,crown, and throne  
Why can't I cross this river_

_Pay no mind to the battles you've won  
It'll take a lot more than rage and muscle  
Open your heart and hands my son  
Or you'll never make it over the river_

_-Puscifier_

 

John took a deep breath and poured himself a generous glass of bourbon he had gotten from Liara. He wet his lips and turned on the camera. He could see himself on the screen as he recorded, which was slightly disconnecting, but he would go through with this anyway. He had done a lot of thinking, Jack and Garrus had told him that when it came to his person, he was about as clammed up as they come. He had tried to talk to Samara, and she had just given him some motherly, flowery advise that had served no purpose other than to emasculate him even further, and make him wish he had never asked. It was not till he had caught Thane in the bathroom on the crew deck, someone had made somewhat sense. Funny how it could be such a hard question to ask, and maybe his venue could have been better. Thane had just shrugged and said 'you'll exorcise those demons in time.' It had been cryptic at best when he had heard it, but the more he thought about it, the more he was convinced that Thane meant that he didn't tell anyone about himself because he was afraid. And that was just what he was. Afraid. He weren't really sure if he was afraid of their reaction, or how real it would be for him, once he put words to his memory. 

He wasn't sure that the Normandy2 would even make it through the Omega4 relay, and no matter how much he wished that he was not alone right now, that he could dive into another person, and push all worries from his mind. Stress relief as Garrus would have put it. Then he was alone besides that stupid hamster he had been compelled to buy, he must have been drunk or something, for that to sound like a good idea. He suddenly realised he had been sitting staring into his drink for long silent moments on his recording, and he once again wet his lips. ”I.. I uhm, I wish.. I wish you were here.” He just said, smiling awkwardly, ”But I also know why you aren't.” 

He took a sip of his drink, and took a deep breath, ”If I don't return from this mission, I won't get the chance to tell you this, and I know you're going to be furious that I send you a message like this, but I promise you it's not a goodbye message. I count on coming back from the Collector home world, and.. And.. Shit Kaidan, it was not supposed to be like this.” He rubbing his face with a callused hand. ”You remember those long evenings we used to have back then? We'd just hang out and talk? You'd tell me everything about you, about your childhood, the atrocities done to you. And I am not that stupid Kaidan, I knew you hoped I'd tell you something about me as well. But I just never did, I guess I'm trying to tell you, that it was not because I didn't want to, - I... ” He closed his eyes for a moment, feeling absolutely idiotic. ”Alright,” He said in his best 'comander voice', ”If you don't want to hear it, you should just turn the recording off here. I won't think less of you if you do.” He nervously wet lips yet again, and stared straight into the camera. ”You know I am an orphan right? But did you know I have a brother? Mark is five years older than me, and.. My parents, I don't remember them.” Shepard looked down at his drink, ”I don't even know their names.” 

Shepard smiled sadly, ”I used to entertain myself with my parents had just gone off to find a better place at a colony, leaving us in the care of someone who betrayed their trust. And that they were searching for us, leaving no stone unturned.” He laughed a little bitterly, ”Truth is that I don't know what happened to them. When I was little, Mark used to tell me they had been murdered by some bad people. But when we got older, he would tell me to snap the fuck out of it, and just deal with it. They had left, wanting to start over without kids.” Shepard looked up at the camera again, ”I wish I had a holo of them, I wish I could have seen their faces, just once. I don't really care why they had left us, but to leave us without any means of remembering them, that is just cruel.” 

He took another sip of his drink, his mouth suddenly dry. ”There was never any love between me and Mark. We depended on each other, and that was about it. He would always get me out of trouble, but..” Shepard closed his eyes again, downing the drink, ”Why is this so hard to tell you? Maybe it's just because I never told anyone, I simply can't think of anyone I want to tell it to, besides you. And I'm not even sure I want to tell you.” 

Filling his glass again, Shepard looked at the amber liquid swirling. ”What I remember best from before Mark found the Reds, is being cold all the damn time, I remember that I would stand in the street, asking anyone who would listen, that I had lost my mommy, and I needed help finding her again. It worked like a charm, when it worked. Sometimes I guess people saw through the ruse a little too fast.” Shepard paused, ”I still hate being cold.” 

”So Mark found the Reds, or I suppose they found him, I don't know and I don't care. All I know is that we got to move into this huge empty factory building with the others, and they had beds and everything.” Shepard laughed a little at the memory, ”Someone even got me a sweater, funny that I remember that thing, it was ruined and this odd green color. But it was the neatest sweater I had ever had." Shepard unbuttoned the collar of his uniform, "A girl named Freya taught me to read, and some basic math. I remember that some of the others thought it was a waste of time, but as she didn't care. She wanted us younger ones to be something else, something more than just another casualty in a gang war." He blinked slowly, "She was killed some years later, not even by a rival gang, but her jealous boyfriend. Such a waste.." Shepard's voice trailed off. 

He straightened up in the chair, pouring himself another drink, "I don't know what to tell you, back then every day was about survival. None of us had time to think about what we were doing. I would mostly crawl through narrow places like air ducts, so we could rob the place, or pickpocket. I was a slim, scrawny kid, and I had a lot to prove, not just to Mark, but to them all. It was a constant battle to keep your place in the hierarchy, and make yourself useful." Shepard took a sip of his drink. "It was what it was, I guess I had accepted that this was what would be my life. I suppose it all started with me breaking my arm, I was running from some tourists, I slipped as I jumped down a ladder to the sewers, and broke my arm. I ran back to the factory, only to find that the leader of the Reds, Warrick, was absolutely livid. Apparently Mark had taken off with Warrick's girlfriend." Shepard chuckled softly, "I admit that I had never seen that one coming, or well... I was a teenage boy, it's not like I hadn't noticed her, and her.. uhm.. perks. But still never crossed my mind that Mark would be crazy enough to go for it." A shadow of anger darkened Shepard's features. "Mark was gone, as in swallowed by the ground! And who was the next best scapegoat? Right, me. Warrick was a brutal man, and he wasn't less brutal because I was a big kid. And I couldn't do anything but to suck it up, and take whatever he would throw at me. I had nowhere else to go, and to stay in the city without the Reds protection was a death sentence. For me at least, because the other gangs knew who I were." Shepard shook his head slowly, looking away from the camera. "I wouldn't have lasted for 24 hours. And I knew it." 

Shepard took another sip of his drink, looking out over the screen and out at space outside the Normandy, as it passed the large window. "There was a whole lot of 'firsts' in that time, my first time I got really pissy drunk, first time I won a fist fight, and the first time I met someone.." Much to his annoyance Shepard felt himself blush slightly, and blamed the booze. "Oh what the hell.. Might as well tell you. See those days I spent all my time staying under Warrick's radar, I buckled up, did what I was asked to, and tried my damnedest to make it count. I suppose I isolated myself a little, or maybe it was the others that stayed clear of me, not wanting to have Warrick notice them either. I spent a lot of my time alone, and when I weren't doing something, I would sit at the roof of the factory and read old magazines, books, comics, whatever I could get my hands on. Just spending time you know? This girl, Jen, she had noticed and.." He cleared his throat with a nervous cough, and took a sip of his drink before continuing. "To make a long story short, she told me that I didn't have to be alone, that her and her boyfriend Tibus had a proposition for me.. And I.." Shepard smiled smugly, "I took it, joining them, mooching off their happiness. It was never awkward or strange, they always made me feel important, cherished and loved." 

Filling his glass again Shepard's grin widened. "One day were were laying naked in the sun, like fat, satisfied lizards. Sharing a smoke, talking about everything and nothing, when a company of soldiers marched past below us. I rolled over and looked down at them with childish fascination. Tibus pushed me with a foot playfully and laughed, he said 'maybe we should join you know?' - And that we did, Jen, Tibus and I. We all went down to the recruitment office to sign up. But you see, I was only 17, and so while they signed on Jen and Tibus, I had to stand outside and wait for them to come out with their deployment papers in their hands, where as I had nothing. I still recall that like it was yesterday. They were grinning and talking about how we were on the fucking gravytrain now. And then they saw me sitting there, they saw my face, suppose they saw my disappointment. And we all knew that what we had was over, they would leave, and I wouldn't blame them, because I would have done the same in a heartbeat. But the reality was that the only thing that had kept me sane, and maybe even alive, was leaving me behind. It felt like someone crushed my very soul. It was a thousand times worse than when Mark had just gotten up and left. Jen and Tibus felt so much more like family. But we weren't, we were lovers. And lovers leave." Shepard downed his drink before talking again, "Tibus said something with 'I'm sorry John', Jen cried, but I didn't cry, I don't think I even reacted really. I kissed them both goodbye and while they went over to where they were to be picked up and driven to the base, then I had to walk the long way back to the factory. I just remember that I felt like I was never going to get away from here, never going to get away from the Reds. Don't get me wrong, most those guys were alright, but it was just not enough." 

Shepard got up from his seat, leaving the video recording, too drunk to turn it off. He emerged from the bathroom again and sat down while pouring another drink. "So where were I?" He mumbled. "Oh yeah, I told myself that I just had to run with this another year, and I would be old enough to enlist. I daydreamed about distant stars, and seeing strange worlds with exotic species. Quite funny really, when you think about it." He laughed mirthlessly. "I didn't think it would be easy to wait, but I had not thought it would have been that hard either. All the time I had spent with comics, and then with Jen and Tibus, I now spent exercising, lifting homemade weights." Shepard took a drink and licked his lips. "And it was also about the time where Warrick got slightly paranoid, I don't know why exactly, but I suppose that he thought someone else was gunning for his seat. So he was running a very tight ship to say the least, while trying to flush out whatever upcommer that might have it in for him. Maybe he thought it was a whole damn conspiracy, I don't know. But I do remember a lot of people were really tired of the way he ran things." He took a deep breath, "What happened was.. was, this girl. Her name was Annie, she had caught the eye of Warrick, but I had caught hers. Don't ask me how I did that, It's not like i was ever a looker or nothing. And absolutely not when I was seventeen." Shepard laughed to himself, amused. "I was a terrible catch." His smile faltered, "Still am." 

He looked back out at space from his seat, drinking in silence for a moment before continuing. "Annie took a liking to me, I suppose it had something to do with us being around the same age. I don't know really. Warrick on the other hand replayed the whole Mark story in his head, and Annie's attempts to befriend me just ended up in me getting beat up, badly. I don't think anyone ever gave me a trashing like that since, of course if anyone tried now, I'd kill them." He laughed softly at his own bad attempt at sounding like an hardass. "She was a devious little bitch, and I actually think it was all her doing. You know making Warrick jealous. But I don't know what I ever did to her to piss her off like that. But as I was tucked away in a room, waiting for my fucking spleen to mend. She and Warrick had a huge engagement party. I could hear it from upstairs, and as I lay there, I decided that I didn't care how dangerous the world was for someone like me, as soon as I could get out of the bed, I was gone."

Shepard closed his eyes and nodded off a little, "Shit, I wish, I wish I didn't have to be this pissfaced to tell you this, I mean.. Trust is hard to come by, you know this as well as I do. Anyway maybe I should go to bed and sleep. It's a long day tomorrow." He laughed again, but there was no humor in his tone, it sounded more like choking. John leaned in and ended the recording.

~*~

When the recording was turned on again, Shepard looked a little beside himself, but sipping a cup of coffee instead of bourbon. "Forgot where I was last night." He said with a thin voice. "But I suppose that I made it to the part of the story you can read in my personal file." He took a careful sip of his coffee, "Wideeyed kid stuck in a uniform, given a standard issue rifle and let loose on the world." Shepard smiled, "Didn't really go so well, and yet here I am." He looked down into the table, his shoulders slumped slightly. "I know you wonder about my family, but I took a decision a long time ago. I don't want to know who my parents are, if they could leave a little toddler like me behind, they are not people that I want to know. And if they really were killed, then there is no point in looking for them. Mark however I checked up on, he married, had a son and.. was one of the people to colonize Akuze." Shepard fell silent. "I don't know what happened to anyone else, I tried very hard to forget this whole thing, I have seen no reason to relive it. But you, I trust you." Shepard looked directly into the camera, "Be safe Kaidan, I promise you I will return from the Collectors home world and make you eat your words." He smiled, but the smile never reached his eyes. He knew it was a very real possibility that he wouldn't make it back. 

TBC


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> AN: Sorry for the flat out error ridden part I wrote last, I am on this super strong antibiotic, and it might fuck with my head more than I thought. So sorry! Thanks for all the faves though. =) I really appreciate it. I still can't make up my mind if this story can carry a third part.. I not so sure. And i'm really sorry about the lame end, I just didn't really know how to end, mostly because the 'third chapter' idea was in the back of my head.

Kaidan had played Shepard's video message over and over, trying to make up his mind if he was touched or pissed off. In the end he had buried himself in work like he always did, but the message haunted him, day and night. He felt slightly stupid when he just resigned himself to sitting down in front of the monitor, turning on the recording. "Hi John.." He started, not sure what he should say. Hell he wasn't even sure if Shepard was even alive. "I don't really know what to say. I.. I would have preferred to tell you this to your face really." A dark shadow passed over his face, but he didn't add anything like what he was thinking. That he would never be able to tell Shepard this to his face, because no one ever had come back from the Omega4 really. But still he had faith that if anyone would return, it would be John.

"I honestly didn't know what to do with that information." He said, looking down at his hands in his lap, "I know it was not what you wanted, but I looked some people up for you." He looked up again and absentmindedly chewed on his lip, "I know it was hard on you to tell me all that, but I thought that I at least could help you get some closure." He smiled a vague boyish smile at the camera, it still felt weird and disjointed to carry a conversation with Shepard like this. "I figured you'd like that, closure I mean." 

He leaned in over the table and took a datapad. "Your brother Mark, he wasn't amongst the Akuze survivors, neither was his wife. I'm sorry. I wish I had better news. But you see, Mark was not called Shepard. He apparently changed his name when he left earth. He and his wife was called Farway, which would have confused anyone who didn't know what they were looking for." Kaidan smiled a little timidly, not sure if he should be praising himself in this situation. "They had a surviving son, called Johnny." He could just imagine the mix of amusement and anticipation on Shepard's face, and held up a file with a picture. "Let me introduce you to Lieutenant John Adam Farway, your nephew. And as far as I can see, only living relative."

He place the datapad with the picture on the table, "I haven't contacted him, the poor man don't know he is related to the John Shepard." Kaidan said with a slight proud smile. Some crazy part inside him felt like one of them gameshow hosts on the one of those matchmaking shows that was everyone's guilty pleasure. "I figured you wanted to tell him that in person, if you even want to tell him that is.." Kaidan knew that it was a ridiculous hope he needed to have, that John would be able to tell his nephew that he had some family, because that would mean that John made it back from the Omega4 relay alive. Kaidan looked thoughtfully into the camera for a while, "John I hope you get to tell him this yourself. I guess what I'm trying to say is - That I hope you come back in one piece." He simply didn't know what to say more than that, and he leaned in and switched off the recorder, sending the message before he could regret it. 

There! He had said it, he had done it. 

~*~

Kaidan didn't really get a chance to talk with Shepard again for a long time. He had been surprised when he had seen John at the council, he had heard that the Normandy had made it back, but as Shepard had turned himself and his crew into the Alliance upon entering Citadel space. The information had been stonewalled. He couldn't even be told where Shepard was held, and everything was above his security level. He had just been relieved that Shepard had made it back. And as far as he could find out, so had most the crew that had set out with the new Normandy under Cerberus colors. He had looked at the list of names and only recognized a few. He knew Dr. Chackwas and Garrus. He thought he recalled some of the other names of staff but he wasn't sure. Important thing was that John had made it, and he had made the right choice turning himself and the ship in. Kaidan couldn't help but to be a little proud of him. 

It was not until the Normandy was on it's way to the Citadel from earth, that Kaidan once more had a chance to talk to Shepard. To Shepard's surprise, he didn't say anything; he just waited till the docking hangar was closed and the terrible scene of earth's destruction was hidden behind steel. And then he buried John Shepard in a little too tight embrace. No words in the world could express how happy he was to see the Commander alive and kicking, even if the circumstances could have been better. A lot better. 

Shepard returned the embrace. "Good to see you Major Alenko." He said softly, the smile evident in his voice.

"You too." Kaidan said, he would have said more, but suddenly the docking bay was crawling with people, running in and out, needing confirmation of this and that. 

~*~

They were on their way to Mars before Kaidan had a chance to actually really speak to Shepard. As usual Shepard was surrounded by datapads, trying to cover as much information as possible, in the shortest time possible. "Hey Shepard." Kaidan said, leaning against the door frame of the Captains quarters, clutching a datapad. 

Shepard looked up and smiled tired, "Hey there yourself, Alenko."

"Do you have a moment?" Kaidan asked, knowing the answer, but hoping that Shepard wouldn't deny him. 

"Sure." Shepard said, putting down the datapad in his hand, turning his chair to face Kaidan. "Something I can help you with?" 

"I know it might be a bad time and all.." Kaidan started, kicking himself mentally, that he was already apologizing for what he was about to say. "But did you get the message I sent you on the Normandy?" 

"Yeah.." Shepard drawled, scratching his cheek. "I've been meaning to get back to you on that one, but things just went so fast suddenly." 

"Have you thought about what you want to do with that information?" Kaidan asked, knowing he was pushing for an answer as he held out the datapad to Shepard. 

Shepard gingerly took the datapad. "I don't know Kaidan, I mean wouldn't it just seem a little... uhm I don't know, insincere to show up after all those years?" 

Kaidan stepped inside the captains cabin, leaning on Shepard's desk with a hand, looking down at John who sat with the datapad in his lap, like it was diseased or something, barely touching it. "John, these are bad times, and I think both you and he would benefit from knowing you have family." 

Biting his lip, Shepard nodded slowly, "What happened to him? I mean on Akuze." 

"Who Mark?" 

"No the kid, Johnny." Shepard said, running a hand over the datapad.

"Another family took him in." Kaidan said, "And he lived there with them, till he turned 18 and joined the Alliance. Sound familiar?" 

Shepard nodded thoughtfully. "So where is he?" He looked up at Kaidan for an answer.

"Last I checked, and that was when I pulled his file, then he was on earth, but I am not sure where. And no one really knows now. You could look up his company?" Kaidan smiled nervously, "Or not."

"I could do that." Shepard said and smiled again. "But you're coming with me then." 

Kaidan arched a brow, but nodded. "If you want me to." 

"You started this." Shepard said placing the datapad on the table amongst the others. "Next time we're back on earth, we are going to look up his company and hope he's still alive." 

Kaidan turned and walked towards the door. Suddenly he turned and looked at Shepard who returned his attention to the datapads about Mars and the library. "Hey Shepard, what if he is dead by then?"

"Then he is dead." Shepard said without even turning around. 

Kaidan nodded, he couldn't really argue with that logic, so he just turned again and walked out.

~*~

It would be a very long time before Shepard and the Normandy once more touched down on Earth. Kaidan knew that Shepard most likely had forgotten everything about his nephew, and now was the time to remind him. He gently touched Shepard's arm, causing John to turn around. "Your nephew." He said, "He is here. In London I mean, what do you want us to do?" 

"He is?" Shepard just said surprised. And Kaidan weren't sure he was surprised because he was reminded of his long lost nephew, or because he was in London.

"I don't mean to push you, but you really need to make up your mind. We don't have a lot of time." Kaidan said, raising his voice so he wouldn't be drowned out by distant fighting.

Shepard nodded. He took off his helmet and unceremoniously sat down on a less ruined bench. "What do you think I should do?" He asked Kaidan, his tone a little insecure and childish. Something Kaidan had never heard in the commanders voice before.

"I think we should go to the southwest part of town, and look up his platoon. I don't know much besides that he is in the 103'rd." Kaidan admitted, "And that is a huge division." He shrugged, "So we might have to search a little before we find him." 

Shepard nodded. "Okay, let's do it then." He looked up at Kaidan, his helmet discarded on the ground between his feet. "Do you think.."

"What I think is.. " Kaidan reached out and caressed Shepard's cheek with a gloved hand, letting it linger a little. "That it matters to you, so it matters to me." The loving smile that Shepard gave Kaidan could have melted him seven times over, but this was not the time, nor the place. "Gather some men, I hear there is heavy fighting in southwest London." 

~*~

"Hey soldier, I'm looking for the 103'rd." Shepard yelled, trying to drown out the war noise. 

The Soldier adjusted his helmet and looked up at Shepard. "You're looking at it, well some of it at least." 

Shepard waved Kaidan and James in "We found them!" He yelled. 

"We're looking for Lieutenant John Farway. Do you know him?" Kaidan yelled. Wishing desperately the world would shut up for a while so he could collect his thoughts.

"Uhm.. I think there is a Farway in the 8th Marine regiment." The soldier looked a little lost for a while, "I'd try something like maybe half a click to your six." He pointed down the street, "Can't tell you if they are still there, or if anyone is still alive." They all ducked and covered from falling debris as something exploded close to them. 

Shepard grabbed the Soldier's arm, and looked nodded proudly "Thank you. And good luck soldier." 

"Likewise, Sir." The soldier said, smiling weakly. 

"Move out!" Shepard yelled, making off along the ruins with James and Kaidan in tow. 

They were about halfway to where the Soldier had told them to go, when James suddenly shouted, "Commander! I see movement at nine." 

Shepard spun around, seeing some Alliance Marines trying to run and shoot some of the large Rachni Husks, while dragging their wounded. "Let's give them a hand." Shepard yelled, crossing the street, double checking his ammo. 

It didn't take them long to take out the immediate enemy. Shepard was checking on one of the wounded marines, he seriously didn't think her chances were great, actually he would be surprised if she survived the trip back to the FOB. James looked over the battered marines, "Hey any of you know a Johnny Farway?" 

"Maybe.." One of the marines said. "Why?" 

Kaidan swallowed all smartassed answers he could think of, and just answered, "Because we have some news for him. Something for his ears only." 

The soldier looked over the sad remains of his platoon, and then stood, taller and broader than Kaidan, who felt himself slightly intimidated even if he tried not to. "I am Johnny Farway, but anything you N7 people has to say, you can say here." 

Shepard looked over at Kaidan, not sure if they should do this. But Kaidan nodded and Shepard took a deep breath. "Alright." He said, walking over to Farway. He had to look up to look the large man in the eyes, searching for a remnant of Mark. "Your parents, their names were Mark and Sandra, am I right?" 

"Yes?" Farway said his expression going from hostile to puzzled. 

Shepard wet his lips, "I have been looking for you Johnny." He resisted the urge to look over at Kaidan again. "Mark was my brother, and so.." 

Farway looked even more puzzled, sitting down on the remains of a brick wall. Staring at Shepard. "You're my uncle?" 

"Long story." Shepard admitted, "I stayed on earth and Mark went to Akuze with your mom." 

"Wow.. " Farway looked floored by this information. "Could we?.."

"Commander Shepard." James said, stepping up behind John. "We should get the wounded back to the FOB, before the enemy regroup." 

Shepard nodded. "You're right." 

Farway's eyebrows furrowed, "You're Commander Shepard? The Commander Shepard?" 

"The one and only." Kaidan shot in, feeling slightly stupid, but he knew that John would never acknowledge such praise. 

"Shit." Farway looked over at another soldier at his side, "Did you hear that? I'm not imagining this, right?" 

"No Sir, it's very real." 

"Good." Farway stood up and shook his head slightly amused, "My uncle is Commander Shepard, that is just madness." He smiled widely, as he went straight past John, Kaidan and James, aiming towards the wounded marines. "He was right, we should see if we can make it back so Greene and Jones can get some medical attention." 

~*~

Kaidan put down a cup of coffee in front of Shepard as he was again, frantically searching datapads for the answer to a successful attack. "Your nephew is something of a hero in his own right." Kaidan said, seating himself next to Shepard, snatching the datapad from Shepard.

John looked up at Kaidan and smiled worn and worried. "He is." Shepard took his coffee and sipped the warm liquid. "He'll be alright, he can hold himself." 

"Still he's only human. Like you." Kaidan said, not even bothering to mask up his accusation, that Shepard took too many risks. 

"Don't start." Shepard sighed, putting down the cup, he reached for Kaidan's hand, rubbing it lovingly, but not too obvious to the other people in the room. "Looking him up was the right thing to do. Thank you." Shepard smiled again, this time with a little more conviction. He let go of Kaidan's hand again. "I'm almost done with this, the briefing will be in an hour. I suggest you get some rest." 

"Don't baby me." Kaidan huffed. 

Shepard frowned, "That was an order, Major Alenko." 

"Only if you come and sleep next to me." Kaidan whispered, leaning in over the table so no one would hear. 

"No time." Shepard said flatly. 

"John." Kaidan said with an insisting tone. "Now is not the time to be a stubborn ass." 

Shepard sighed, "True." He reluctantly left his work and went with Kaidan to an abandoned backroom where two soldiers were already sleeping on makeshift cots. 

"So much for that idea." Kaidan said shooting Shepard a wicked grin.

John just rolled his eyes. "Hey Kaidan, I have been thinking of something." He said sitting down in footend of a cot. "We gave Farway something to fight for didn't we?"   
¨  
"That we did." Kaidan let himself fall back in the narrow cot, pulling John with him down. Sighing blissfully no matter how uncomfortable he was, just that Shepard was laying here, wrapped around him, made anything worth it. "Don't you want to get to know him? After the war I mean." 

"I think he is married to the Alliance, my friend." Shepard whispered, "Like some other I know." 

"She was wrong." Kaidan said softly, knowing that Shepard was refering to Jack, who had accused John for being married to his job. 

"She was?" Shepard asked, nuzzling closer, closing his eyes realising how tired he really was.

"You have me." Kaidan said, feeling a little off, but smiled as Shepard squeezed him a little in his hold, and mumbled something like 'yes I do'. But he was already half asleep, Kaidan could hear that on his breathing. He closed his own eyes thinking of Farway, he was sure that today they had made a man that had something to fight for, if he hadn't had that before this whole thing. No matter of Shepard would dance around it, Kaidan hoped that he had also given John an extra reason to be safe.


End file.
